2024 Week 1
Power Rankings
Dirty Mike & The Boys (HartyPGA) [1-0]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 1
"When your QB only completes 9 passes but puts up 35 points, you know fortune is smiling upon you. ARich, Bijan, Dobbins (SURIPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE), Nico, Godwin all came out hot to trot. Shakir and Thomas also both put up over 10 points.
Dirty Mike coached his team up and lead them to the #1 score of the week and beat the defending champion Scumdogs. The only duds opening week were LaPorta and London or The Boys might have been challenging for one of the top scores in league history.
Dirty Mike in the boys have the worst All Time record in league history and are trying to prove a point this year. Way to go Team!"
Slattery's Ranking: 1
"We learned a lot about Dirty Mike's boys this week. Anthony Richardson will score a lot of fantasy points even when he looks bad on the football field. JK Dobbins can be that guy even with one good leg. Bijan was THE DUDE on Atlanta's offense and should put up great numbers on volume alone. Every wide receiver other than London should be solid. Dirty Mike has so many boys that they even left the #1 TE on the bench. We should all be scared of this roster."
NotGreatBob (NotGreatBob) [1-0]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 2
"Competitive, consistent, quality. That is what NotGreatBob brings to the table year after year as the team with the most wins in league history.
Start a rookie QB in Daniels? No problem, kid puts up 25 points.
Undersized RB? no problem when he is the most explosive RB in the league and Achane puts up 19.5 points.
Old ass receivers? Evans with 2 more Tuddies and 20 points, Diggs with 2 more tuddies and almost 19 points.
The team did enough to mask the inefficiency of Olave and Hurst while waiting for Chase to get back up to speed and this is why year in and year out NGB is in the title hunt."
Slattery's Ranking: 3
"At this point, I'm convinced this squad found the fountain of youth as NotGreatBob's team of mostly old men just keep getting it done. Bob also has a couple amazing depth pieces on the bench that should solidify this roster once some of the older cornerstone pieces slow down come December."
scumdogs (grrouchie) [0-1]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 4
"Call it bias, or whatever you want, but the Scumdogs are going to be the only team with a loss ranked in the top half of the league this week based on the fact that they were the 2nd highest scoring team on the week in a shootout against Dirty Mike.
Another slip like this will send them to bottom of the standings purgatory, but for this week they get a pass. Kind of like the Hall Pass grrouchie was asking his wife about (which she promptly shot him down and kicked him in the shins) - a pass is a pass.
Jackson put on a good show and was literally a quarter of a toe away from 6 more points.
Hall struggled building momentum because Rodgers found his old buddy Lazard multiple times instead of targeting studs.
Jonathan Taylor looks like he is going to have a QB problem.
Puka getting hurt doesn't help.
But, this all boils down to one thing and one thing only. The Hitman for Hire, the reason the Scumdogs are champions this year, Swift put up a 5 point dud with zero receptions in what can only be considered revenge. Delayed revenge, but revenge none-the0less."
Slattery's Ranking: 2
"Even though the Scumdogs lost, they still scored the second most points in the league. Losing Puka for a while will hurt, but there are more than enough rock stars on this team that it's hard to imagine them having a losing record by the time Puka returns from injury."
ShivaBlasts (jwv7244) [1-0]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 3
"Fire up the squad and turn on the tunes, The Shiva Blasts are 1 and Oh and in 3rd place in the power rankings.
Stroud didn't look as good as last year which means there is lots of room for improvement. Henry started off slow in a game that saw too many pass attempts and QB rushes, but he did get a TD which kept his score in the 'Not Awful' category.
White was fine but he might have a problem if he keeps getting out rushed by a rookie.
Worthy showed off BIG PLAY and AMAZING SPEED raking up 19.8 points and making jaws drop.
Lamb didn't need to do anything and you know there will be multiple 20 point performances coming and KW3 came up limping which could be a ball buster in the near future.
Shiva Blasts 1 - league put on notice!!!"
Slattery's Ranking: 4
"Maybe I was wrong a week ago and ShivaBlasts does have the firepower to compete this year. Worthy having an explosive introduction to the NFL does a lot for this roster. Shiva should worry about the tight end position, though, because it's going to be rough once Ertz inevitably gets hurt."
Michael Scott's Tots (BaileyOwen) [1-0]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 5
"The Tots are coming in at 5th this week after a big performance over Get Out! Led by Josh Allen and Alvin Kamara the team did enough to overcome Tua and Kupp on the week. They had solid performances by Pickens and Smith and even Ekeler stepped up where needed. There are a bunch of questions the team will have to answer in the next few weeks if they want to continue to be considered a playoff team. Where did Aiyuk and Dell go? Am I putting too many Javonta Williams eggs in my basket? But, solid start to the season and the Tots are cooking."
Slattery's Ranking: 5
"The scariest part about Michael Scott's Tots team is their result for week 1 is likely their floor. A lot of players on this roster failed to perform up to expectations but they still put up nearly 110 points. If they start firing on all cylinders, the rest of the league should watch out."
Delta Squad (OneTyrell) [1-0]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 6
"Fresh off a thrashing of the Fuzzy Logic, the Delta Squad doesn't have time to celebrate as their starting QB (Love) looks to be down for multiple weeks and their Heralded, Can't Miss rookie only caught 1 of 3 balls (Harrison). Super Stud and Sun God found himself out played by an injured gambler and only went 3/6 for 13 yards.
The sky is not falling, but there are cracks in the armor and can coach OneTyrell plug the holes before the ship starts sinking?
Maybe it's Lance season?
Nah. This team is loaded with talent and the sky is the limit. Put a Band-Aid on it and get back out there fellers."
Slattery's Ranking: 6
"The craziest part of Delta Squad's week 1 performance is they put up a crazy amount of points while only getting about 4 points from their stud wide receivers. Losing Love for a bit will hurt the upside of this roster, but Amon Ra and Marv performing up to expectations should balance that loss out."
Get Out (Pads) [0-1]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 8
"Get Out always seems to be in the hunt, but starting the season with a big L is going to make things hard if they can't right the ship.
Tua, Stevenson and Kupp all came out firing, but a lot of studs let the team down.
Etienne and his Tank problems. Adams and his Mullet problems. Kincaid and his...um... 2 targets for the entire game? Woah.
Not to mention Cooper dropping an easy TD and starting a Fullback in your flex is always risky."
Slattery's Ranking: 7
"Get Out had a really unfortunate week due to McCaffrey's surprise inactive. If the news about McCaffrey came out even 24 hours earlier than it actually did, this team would have scored another 8-10 points with either Montgomery or McConkey and gotten the win. "
PRESTIGE WORLDWIDE (lwinman) [1-0]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 7
"Listen, I'm not a believer. But I believe in ranking teams according to their record and this team gets to be middle of the pack after a win where they didn't really show any life.
When you start Young as your QB you just expect bad things to happen. It just so happens that during this game they went against an even more ugly and awful performance from CodyCast.
Allgeire was awful behind Bijon. Wilson didn't get enough touches. Watson wasn't bad with two hamstrings but Reed might actually be the Alpha in the offence which is going to hurt, and moving forward you can't expect anything out of Watson with Malik Willis ""throwing?"" the ball.
Engram, the Best TE in Football last year with 1 catch? Ouch
Some positives though, Rice looks to be the real deal, Waddle is going to have a great season and JaMo (after 3 years) finally put a game together that was what was expected when he was drafted.
It's not all negative, but there isn't a lot of positive right now."
Slattery's Ranking: 9
"Even with the win, it's hard to see continued success coming to Prestige Worldwide. The few bright spots on the team, while they shined incredibly bright, probably aren't quite bright enough for consistent wins throughout the whole season."
Fuzzy Logic (Slattery) [0-1]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 9
"Oh baby. This squad has so much fire power that you want to call week 1 an anomaly.
Mahomes, Jacobs, Jones and the Cheetah all had good or great games. Getting arrested can't even slow down Tyreek.
But then... Oh yes, but then you have to look at the rest of the roster .
Nabers performance was acceptable for a rookie. He outproduced MHJ which might be a common theme this year.
But Scary Terry was oh so very... awful.
The longer Kelce dates Swift the softer he gets.
Gus Edwards was outperformed by a guy who can't stay healthy and doesn't even have two fully functioning legs.
Jalen Warren is taking a back seat to Najee.
If only Fuzzy would have started the Lazard King over Scary Terry we'd be singing this recap differently."
Slattery's Ranking: 8
"It's hard to know what Fuzzy Logic's team actually is. On one hand, there are a handful of players on this roster that have the ability to completely break Fantasy Football and single handedly win Slattery the week. On the other hand, there are a lot players that continually disappear week-to-week/year-to-year even though they are excellent football players in real life."
ScotchnWhiskers (ScotchnWhiskers) [0-1]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 10
"Hard to fault a team when they lose to the most exciting team in the league. Hurts wasn't bad and AJ Brown held up his end of the bargain (does he have a whole season in him though?) and Kyren at least got over 10 points.
But Chase brown got mossed. Singletary is on potentially the worst team in the league.
DK failed, Goedert is wishy washy and Zamir was outperformed by Mattison.
This team was a bunch of sad sacks for opening night, but you can't expect to do well when you get Shiva Blasted!!!!"
Slattery's Ranking: 10
"Better days are likely ahead for Scotchnwhiskers, but enough players pooped their pants on this roster that it caused the team to be ranked 10th in scoring. Hard to win like that even with a power stack at QB/WR and a top 5 RB."
codycast (codycast) [0-1]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 11
"Fine - I was wrong. CodyCasts suck.
Burrow buried his slim shady looking head in the sand and STUNK UP THE JOINT.
Mostert proved that last year was, indeed, a fluke and is now going to the IR which, in all honesty, is customary during his career.
Pittman got an Alpha target share, but when your QB completes only 9 passes you know you probably aren't performing.
Mark Andrews forgot how to get open and is playing a game this season with Kelce - which one of us can suck the most and Garrett Wilson is going to lose a ton of valuable points to Allen F'n Lazard.
Ouch.
Sorry CodyCast.
I over hyped you for the pre-season rankings.
My bad."
Slattery's Ranking: 11
"Talk about having a disappointing week 1. 75%+ of codycast's roster just failed to show up and contribute in any way. On top of that, multiple players got injured and won't be any help to codycast for the foreseeable future. There's still plenty of time to right the ship, but this is about as horrific of a start as one could have."
1-Putt Nine (GhostDad77) [0-1]
Grrouchie's Ranking: 12
"Bottom of the promising barrel. Goff was not up to standards this game even though he played in a dome as he learned the gentle art of handing the ball off instead of throwing it.
Pacheco put in a good effort going for 14 points but the rest of the roster watched from the sidelines.
Pierce, Samuel, Henry and Polk were all under 3 points each and you can never win a game like that.
Dortch and Meyers showed sparks, but will they get targets long term?
This is going to be the soap opera of the league. How much patience will coach Paulie have for his teams performances?"
Slattery's Ranking: 12
"On the plus side, Pacheco is stud and 1-Putt should be proud to show him off every week. Outside of that, there is very little to be excited about on this roster. I hope GhostDad77 is on their hands and knees praying that their young players develop quickly into solid weekly starters."
Editor's note: In the event that rankers' averages are the same between teams, the following tie breakers are used in the following order to determine position in the rankings: Win/Loss ratio, total points scored, total potential points, total points against